| Sometimes it seems that civilization has | | | | my Grandma who snidely |
| arrived too soon. Time | | | | |
| | | | suggested I use the paring knife she gave us |
| saving devices often don't and quick fix | | | | twenty years ago. |
| solutions frequently aren't. | | | | |
| | | | She was right.Did you ever succumb to the |
| The US Government spent hundreds of | | | | siren song of the seed catalogs and |
| thousands of dollars | | | | |
| | | | the pictures on the seed packets at the |
| developing a pen that would write in space. | | | | store? When you total up |
| The Russians used a | | | | |
| | | | the cost of seed, fertilizer, chicken wire |
| pencil. Recently I bought a fancy leaf | | | | fencing, tools and bribery |
| blower/vacuum for the | | | | |
| | | | money to your kids for weeding, the figure |
| patio. Soon my hands smelled like gasoline, | | | | is staggering. On the |
| I no longer can fit my | | | | |
| | | | other hand, twelve large tomatoes, ten green |
| car in the garage and the cat has a | | | | peppers, ten pounds |
| permanent noise hang-up. So I | | | | |
| | | | of onions and a large bag of green beans |
| sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. | | | | cost only $30.00. No |
| $300.) and bought a | | | | |
| | | | waste, no digging, no bugs, and no garden. I |
| broom. It works fine.The indoor vacuum came | | | | know you can't buy |
| with a hard floor attachment that | | | | |
| | | | time, but it certainly is easy to waste |
| requires an MIT engineer to hook up. Swirls | | | | it.One flower packet caught my uneducated |
| of foam spewed | | | | eye. It promised dozens of |
| | | | |
| forth like a Niagara, mixing with the cat | | | | beautiful pink daisy-like flowers without |
| hairs, dust balls and | | | | the hassle of planting the seeds |
| | | | |
| spilled food. It took me two hours to take | | | | indoors in March, transplanting them three |
| it apart, clean it, and | | | | times in progressively larger |
| | | | |
| re-install it on the garage shelf where it | | | | pots and transferring them to the garden in |
| belongs. Then I put a rag | | | | June. Just throw the seeds |
| | | | |
| on a stick and cleaned up in ten minutes. | | | | on the ground and wait for the flowers. |
| The floor looks great | | | | They were called cosmos and |
| | | | |
| and I get to use the rag over and over - for | | | | all the information on the packet was true. |
| free.One day my wife couldn't resist buying a | | | | Just to give them an added |
| food chopper for | | | | |
| | | | edge, I did plant them in April and |
| $29.95. The pictures show mounds of colorful | | | | transferred the seedlings to small pots |
| vegetables | | | | |
| | | | in May. By June, I was giving four plants a |
| chopped and ready for cooking. Trying it out | | | | week away to friends but no |
| for the first time,an onion disappeared into | | | | |
| its maw, and was quickly reduced | | | | flowers appeared on the stems. By July, the |
| | | | plants had grown to three feet |
| to a mass of gooey sludge with a ragged ball | | | | |
| in the middle. Next, | | | | tall but no signs of blooms. Some of my |
| | | | victims thought it was a joke and |
| a potato magically turned into liquid | | | | |
| followed by an apple laced with | | | | threw them away, others stuck in there, |
| | | | watering and fertilizing and hoping. |
| inedible seeds and mangled peel.After one | | | | |
| cut on a finger of each hand ( I swear I only | | | | Eventually, some of the plants reached a |
| touched the | | | | height of seven feet, taking over |
| | | | |
| blade lightly), I somehow got it into the | | | | the whole garden with a forest of stalks |
| original box and returned | | | | Jack would have been proud of. |
| | | | |
| it the same day. Observing this fiasco was | | | | The flowers were magnificent. |