The Long Way Around

Sometimes it seems that civilization has arrivedGrandma who snidely
too soon. Timesuggested I use the paring knife she gave us
saving devices often don't and quick fix solutionstwenty years ago.
frequently aren't.She was right.Did you ever succumb to the siren
The US Government spent hundreds ofsong of the seed catalogs and
thousands of dollarsthe pictures on the seed packets at the store?
developing a pen that would write in space. TheWhen you total up
Russians used athe cost of seed, fertilizer, chicken wire fencing,
pencil. Recently I bought a fancy leaf blowertools and bribery
vacuum for themoney to your kids for weeding, the figure is
patio. Soon my hands smelled like gasoline, I nostaggering. On the
longer can fit myother hand, twelve large tomatoes, ten green
car in the garage and the cat has a permanentpeppers, ten pounds
noise hang-up. So Iof onions and a large bag of green beans cost
sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. $300.)only $30.00. No
and bought awaste, no digging, no bugs, and no garden. I
broom. It works fine.The indoor vacuum cameknow you can't buy
with a hard floor attachment thattime, but it certainly is easy to waste it.One
requires an MIT engineer to hook up. Swirls offlower packet caught my uneducated eye. It
foam spewedpromised dozens of
forth like a Niagara, mixing with the cat hairs,beautiful pink daisy-like flowers without the hassle
dust balls andof planting the seeds
spilled food. It took me two hours to take itindoors in March, transplanting them three times
apart, clean it, andin progressively larger
re-install it on the garage shelf where it belongs.pots and transferring them to the garden in June.
Then I put a ragJust throw the seeds
on a stick and cleaned up in ten minutes. Theon the ground and wait for the flowers. They
floor looks greatwere called cosmos and
and I get to use the rag over and over - forall the information on the packet was true. Just
free.One day my wife couldn't resist buying ato give them an added
food chopper foredge, I did plant them in April and transferred the
$29.95. The pictures show mounds of colorfulseedlings to small pots
vegetablesin May. By June, I was giving four plants a week
chopped and ready for cooking. Trying it out foraway to friends but no
the first time,an onion disappeared into its maw,flowers appeared on the stems. By July, the
and was quickly reducedplants had grown to three feet
to a mass of gooey sludge with a ragged ball intall but no signs of blooms. Some of my victims
the middle. Next,thought it was a joke and
a potato magically turned into liquid followed bythrew them away, others stuck in there,
an apple laced withwatering and fertilizing and hoping.
inedible seeds and mangled peel.After one cut onEventually, some of the plants reached a height
a finger of each hand ( I swear I only touchedof seven feet, taking over
thethe whole garden with a forest of stalks Jack
blade lightly), I somehow got it into the originalwould have been proud of.
box and returnedThe flowers were magnificent.
it the same day. Observing this fiasco was my