| Sometimes it seems that civilization has arrived | | | | Grandma who snidely |
| too soon. Time | | | | suggested I use the paring knife she gave us |
| saving devices often don't and quick fix solutions | | | | twenty years ago. |
| frequently aren't. | | | | She was right.Did you ever succumb to the siren |
| The US Government spent hundreds of | | | | song of the seed catalogs and |
| thousands of dollars | | | | the pictures on the seed packets at the store? |
| developing a pen that would write in space. The | | | | When you total up |
| Russians used a | | | | the cost of seed, fertilizer, chicken wire fencing, |
| pencil. Recently I bought a fancy leaf blower | | | | tools and bribery |
| vacuum for the | | | | money to your kids for weeding, the figure is |
| patio. Soon my hands smelled like gasoline, I no | | | | staggering. On the |
| longer can fit my | | | | other hand, twelve large tomatoes, ten green |
| car in the garage and the cat has a permanent | | | | peppers, ten pounds |
| noise hang-up. So I | | | | of onions and a large bag of green beans cost |
| sold it to my neighbor for $50.00 (Orig. $300.) | | | | only $30.00. No |
| and bought a | | | | waste, no digging, no bugs, and no garden. I |
| broom. It works fine.The indoor vacuum came | | | | know you can't buy |
| with a hard floor attachment that | | | | time, but it certainly is easy to waste it.One |
| requires an MIT engineer to hook up. Swirls of | | | | flower packet caught my uneducated eye. It |
| foam spewed | | | | promised dozens of |
| forth like a Niagara, mixing with the cat hairs, | | | | beautiful pink daisy-like flowers without the hassle |
| dust balls and | | | | of planting the seeds |
| spilled food. It took me two hours to take it | | | | indoors in March, transplanting them three times |
| apart, clean it, and | | | | in progressively larger |
| re-install it on the garage shelf where it belongs. | | | | pots and transferring them to the garden in June. |
| Then I put a rag | | | | Just throw the seeds |
| on a stick and cleaned up in ten minutes. The | | | | on the ground and wait for the flowers. They |
| floor looks great | | | | were called cosmos and |
| and I get to use the rag over and over - for | | | | all the information on the packet was true. Just |
| free.One day my wife couldn't resist buying a | | | | to give them an added |
| food chopper for | | | | edge, I did plant them in April and transferred the |
| $29.95. The pictures show mounds of colorful | | | | seedlings to small pots |
| vegetables | | | | in May. By June, I was giving four plants a week |
| chopped and ready for cooking. Trying it out for | | | | away to friends but no |
| the first time,an onion disappeared into its maw, | | | | flowers appeared on the stems. By July, the |
| and was quickly reduced | | | | plants had grown to three feet |
| to a mass of gooey sludge with a ragged ball in | | | | tall but no signs of blooms. Some of my victims |
| the middle. Next, | | | | thought it was a joke and |
| a potato magically turned into liquid followed by | | | | threw them away, others stuck in there, |
| an apple laced with | | | | watering and fertilizing and hoping. |
| inedible seeds and mangled peel.After one cut on | | | | Eventually, some of the plants reached a height |
| a finger of each hand ( I swear I only touched | | | | of seven feet, taking over |
| the | | | | the whole garden with a forest of stalks Jack |
| blade lightly), I somehow got it into the original | | | | would have been proud of. |
| box and returned | | | | The flowers were magnificent. |
| it the same day. Observing this fiasco was my | | | | |