| Daisy and Bebe | | | | she could've lost about ten of them, but |
| | | | there wasn't an ounce of fat on her body. |
| (The Pinnacle of Canine Evolution meets the | | | | Solid muscle, a bit longer than a dachshund |
| dregs) | | | | should be, with short legs that rarely |
| | | | straightened. They only straightened when she |
| Copyright 2005, Michael LaRocca | | | | and Daisy play-fought, making her taller than |
| | | | you'd realize. |
| We bought Peaches, a horse who I'd eventually | | | | |
| breed, and who would learn how to drink a | | | | Dachshunds were originally bred to find |
| bottle of beer without spilling a drop. At | | | | badgers, hence the nose. Then to pull them |
| first, Peaches shared a pasture with my | | | | out of the badger holes, hence the short |
| neighbor's horse. One day, this neighbor told | | | | legs. They also had to be rather large and |
| me a story about some friends who owned a | | | | muscular, in order to kill the badgers once |
| female Doberman. | | | | they'd pulled them out. But once badger |
| | | | hunting lost its relevance, dachshunds were |
| "Ya think she's pregnant?" asked one owner. | | | | bred to be lapdogs. This meant making them |
| | | | smaller. But seeing as how Bebe is half |
| "Naw, she ain't that big," said the other. | | | | Doberman, and therefore 35 pounds of solid |
| "She's just gettin' a little fat is all." | | | | muscle, she could take on a badger with no |
| | | | problems. Thus, she's a throwback. |
| Imagine their surprise when she gave birth to | | | | |
| six of the tiniest puppies to ever come out | | | | You know how dachshunds think they're |
| of a Doberman. Upon seeing the puppies, No | | | | invincible? Bebe has the size to back up her |
| mistaking the father's identity. He was a | | | | attitude. Daisy was always the boss, of |
| dachshund. | | | | course, but nothing or no one else can scare |
| | | | Bebe. She also has the Doberman's intense |
| That's right, a dachshund bred a full-sized | | | | "loyalty to one person." That person was me. |
| Doberman. | | | | |
| | | | When I had Bebe, I didn't need an alarm |
| How was this even possible? I have no idea, | | | | clock. I know this because I forgot to set it |
| but once I heard about it, I had to have a | | | | a time or two. Given the choice, Daisy would |
| puppy. I had to see what in the heck it would | | | | sleep until noon, then run and herd like a |
| look like. Also, I thought Daisy should have | | | | maniac until after dark. But Bebe's bladder |
| a buddy. | | | | demanded otherwise. She had a way of rooting |
| | | | at my face, like she was digging up a badger |
| I was visiting my neighbor again, and he | | | | hole, that made sleep impossible. I've slept |
| brought me a tiny black puppy with a pink | | | | through fires, sirens and gunshots, but |
| ribbon around her neck. Her eyes seemed to | | | | nobody sleeps through Bebe. |
| bug out of her head, like a rat that's been | | | | |
| killed in a trap. Her expression was one of | | | | Daisy has a very sensitive stomach and a |
| pure terror. Her snout was a bit longer and | | | | discriminating palate. Bebe, on the other |
| narrower than usual, and her long floppy ears | | | | hand, has licked a two-day-old vanilla |
| didn't reach the ground, but she was a | | | | milkshake off an asphalt parking lot. I'd |
| dachshund. There was no doubt about it. | | | | expect an iron stomach, though, since she |
| | | | eats rat bait and chews through metal fences. |
| I held her and hugged her. Her too-short legs | | | | |
| wrapped my neck in a death grip that lasted | | | | Have you ever seen a trained police dog run |
| for half an hour. Her little black tail never | | | | over a chain link fence? Bebe did that to the |
| stopped wagging. Once again... my dog. I have | | | | chicken-wire fence surrounding my garden. She |
| a way with dogs. | | | | was much more destructive than Dixie the |
| | | | radish-plucker, so eventually I moved the |
| But finally, the confrontation. Bebe weighed | | | | garden to the old dog lot. It had a better |
| maybe five pounds. Daisy weighed 40. Daisy | | | | fence. |
| was of course insanely jealous. Her daddy | | | | |
| walked in the house holding the unthinkable | | | | Let me quote a fellow named Jon Winokur. In a |
| -- another dog. Another puppy. Another black | | | | book called MONDO CANINE, he wrote: "The |
| girl. Hugging her. Maybe Daisy's replacement. | | | | border collie's natural herding instinct |
| | | | allows it to handle up to several hundred |
| Oh, the fights I had to break up. Pure | | | | sheep alone, primarily by means of a |
| hatred. And this tiny puppy, little Bebe, was | | | | mesmerizing stare known as the 'eye.'" |
| so terrified and love-starved that she seemed | | | | |
| to be taking all my affection. | | | | At any and every meal, Daisy showed me the |
| | | | eye. Very soulful eyes. Bebe's idea of |
| The day arrived when I had to leave Daisy and | | | | begging was a straight-ahead glare. Daisy, on |
| Bebe together inside the big fenced-in dog | | | | the other hand, gave me the full show. |
| lot. I was concerned. But, I thought, they | | | | Depressed that no scraps were forthcoming, |
| were acclimatized enough for Daisy not to | | | | ecstatic (usually falsely) because they were |
| injure Bebe. I could only try it and hope for | | | | coming -- the works. So much work. I was |
| the best. | | | | always impressed at the enthusiastic way with |
| | | | which she approached her work. And yes, the |
| When I arrived home from work, there were two | | | | "eye." When I first read about border |
| dogs waiting for me on the porch. Best | | | | collies, that's really how I knew Daisy was |
| friends, it seemed. Daisy looked guilty. Bebe | | | | one of them. She's always had that trademark |
| lacked the intelligence. | | | | stare. |
| | | | |
| An exploration of the fence showed me | | | | Daisy had long since ceased to be jealous of |
| something incredible. Someone, and surely | | | | Bebe. She simply knew that little mongrel |
| that had to be Bebe, had chewed a hole | | | | needed the attention. Daisy also knew that |
| through the metal. A hole big enough for both | | | | she could walk up to me anytime, pant and |
| dogs to escape. Those two little mongrels had | | | | smile her gap-toothed grin, and I'd rub her |
| worked out a deal. I was stunned. | | | | until she was sick of it. |
| | | | |
| The next day, I decided to let them both stay | | | | I lived in and around Wilmington, North |
| inside the house. How do you stop a dog who | | | | Carolina, for 13 years. During that time, |
| can chew through metal? I could only hope | | | | there were no hurricanes except for one long |
| Bebe wouldn't turn those jaws against the | | | | ago, at the very edge of my young memory, not |
| furniture. | | | | worth mentioning. Then I spent 13 years in |
| | | | Tampa, Florida, during which time Wilmington |
| Daisy had matured quite a bit. She was | | | | remained hurricane-free but Tampa took a |
| grateful for the second chance at living | | | | beating. Then I moved to Watha, North |
| indoors, with ant-free food and couches and | | | | Carolina. After a few more hurricane-free |
| air conditioning. She relayed the message to | | | | years, we got slammed by five of them in four |
| Bebe, who was positively adorable but dumb as | | | | years. Am I a magnet for these things? I hope |
| a brick. Many other lessons would follow. | | | | not. But the Wilmingtonians will no doubt be |
| | | | glad to hear that I live in mainland China |
| Bebe spent a day at the hog farm. We hoped | | | | now. We haven't had any hurricanes yet, |
| that maybe a coworker would think of a name | | | | although I have experienced monsoons in Hong |
| for her. The result, Bebe, was supposed to be | | | | Kong. |
| a bit like B.B., an abbreviation for Black | | | | |
| Beauty. Or perhaps Black Bitch, but that's | | | | Daddy owns over 100 gorgeous acres on the |
| not fair to the little tyke. Also, as luck | | | | banks of the Northeast Cape Fear River, in |
| would have it, bebe is Spanish for "child." | | | | Burgaw, North Carolina. The Northeast Cape |
| | | | Fear rises after a hurricane. Sometimes it |
| I don't know how much you know about hog | | | | jumps the banks a bit. Daddy's houses are all |
| farms, but I've never seen one that didn't | | | | 12 feet off the ground, though, making them |
| have a rat epidemic. Every two weeks, we set | | | | safe. |
| out big blue blocks of rat bait and hoped | | | | |
| like heck. To make a long story short, if | | | | About a week after any hurricane, however, |
| it's not already too late, Bebe ate a block. | | | | the Neuse River is in danger of jumping the |
| It didn't bother her a bit. | | | | banks. So someone opens the floodgates, |
| | | | leading right into the Northeast Cape Fear, |
| Daisy explained to Bebe that highways were | | | | giving Daddy and all his neighbors a world of |
| dangerous. Cars and trucks are great fun to | | | | problems. The houses are safe, but the roads |
| ride in, but one does not race them. Ever. | | | | leading to them wind up under water. Power is |
| Good girl, Daisy. | | | | always lost, and it can't be restored as long |
| | | | as the power lines are also under water. |
| During one of Bebe's first rides, she decided | | | | |
| to leap through an open window when I reached | | | | Bebe almost drowned after one of those |
| the driveway. Her momentum carried her into | | | | hurricanes. I was probably repairing a horse |
| the bushes and stunned her momentarily. She | | | | barn. They were functional, but never |
| learned right then that it's never a good | | | | hurricane-proof because I'm not that good of |
| idea to jump from a moving vehicle. | | | | a builder. Lisa was riding Peaches down to |
| | | | the river because Peaches loves to swim. As |
| How well did they obey me? Well, I always | | | | we all know by now, so does Bebe. A bit of |
| stopped the car or truck at the top of the | | | | research on my part showed that this isn't a |
| driveway to get the mail. Then I went back to | | | | dachshund characteristic. This is a Doberman |
| the car or truck and drove to the house. They | | | | thing. |
| knew not to get out until I reached the | | | | |
| house. | | | | Daisy and Bebe were following Peaches, as |
| | | | usual. A hard choice, probably, because they |
| They only broke that rule once, when Daisy | | | | also loved watching me do construction stuff. |
| saw some deer in the back yard. Bebe | | | | As the water got deeper, Daisy stopped. She |
| followed, even though she probably couldn't | | | | hates to get wet. Bebe, meanwhile, kept |
| see them. Bebe's eyes are worse than mine. | | | | going. |
| Daisy sees like a border collie, but she | | | | |
| knows that Bebe has better smell and hearing. | | | | Eventually, Lisa noticed that Bebe wasn't |
| They're one hell of a team. | | | | with her anymore. She doubled back, to find |
| | | | that Bebe had gotten tangled in some weeds. |
| Once Daisy and Bebe became friends, they | | | | Bebe couldn't get out, probably due to lack |
| became inseparable. I was constantly asked if | | | | of intelligence. So she was dog paddling. |
| they were mother and daughter, or later if | | | | Probably she'd been at it 10 or 15 minutes. |
| they were sisters. In many ways, they were | | | | Waiting patiently for rescue, too stupid to |
| closer than sisters. Daisy was definitely big | | | | figure out what else to do. |
| sister, gladly taking the responsibility. The | | | | |
| three of us became a dog pack. I'd never | | | | Lisa was faced with a dilemma. She cannot get |
| known such acceptance. | | | | on a horse by herself. Bad shoulders, bad |
| | | | hips, etc. If she got off the horse to rescue |
| The play-fights between those two looked | | | | Bebe, she'd be walking back to the barn. |
| scary. Fangs bared, growling and snarling and | | | | |
| such. Bebe puffed up her little body, her | | | | Okay, it wasn't really a dilemma. She rescued |
| short fur trying to ridge along her back into | | | | the doggie, of course. When they returned to |
| hackles, her bared fangs at Daisy's throat. | | | | the barn, Bebe tried her best to tell me all |
| Chests crashing with great volume and much | | | | about it, but licks and hugs don't exactly |
| snapping of jaws. But, both tails were | | | | translate into human speech. |
| wagging the whole time. Great fun. | | | | |
| | | | Next door to Daddy's barn, where I kept my |
| Bebe quickly taught Daisy that if you're | | | | horses, some neighbors kept plenty of |
| gonna fight, go for the throat. Instinct, or | | | | animals. Three horses, a turkey, a pit bull, |
| perhaps an advantage of being short. Soon | | | | an Australian sheepdog, some dachshunds, some |
| after, Daisy returned the favor by educating | | | | cats, some goats, and two young cows. When |
| Bebe. | | | | the neighbors left for a summer vacation, I |
| | | | agreed to feed them all. |
| One day I was cutting my grass with a riding | | | | |
| mower. Of course my darling doggie daughters | | | | I love the way pure dachshunds stare at Bebe |
| were in the yard, playing and having fun and | | | | and seem to ask "What in the heck is that |
| being best buddies. The highway wasn't a | | | | thing?" For her part, she stares down at them |
| concern. Also, a single whistle from me and | | | | and almost seems to laugh. They know they're |
| the dogs always stopped what they were doing | | | | related, but she's so big. |
| and came running. Full steam ahead and | | | | |
| usually trying to knock me down, in fact. | | | | The cows are of interest here. They were kept |
| They love to run. | | | | inside a flimsy wire fence on an undersized |
| | | | dirt lot. The question was obviously not if |
| So Bebe ran through the yard. Daisy ran | | | | they would escape, but when. They had escaped |
| beside her, ahead of her, and forced her into | | | | before and would again. It was because they |
| the woods. Bebe started again, in the other | | | | had no grass to graze on, but try explaining |
| direction, and again Daisy drove her into the | | | | that to some people. |
| woods. Again. Again. Again. | | | | |
| | | | There was a Daisy BB rifle in the neighbor's |
| Maybe I'm stupid, or maybe I was just drunk. | | | | barn. Daisy BB -- don't you just love the way |
| But eventually, I figured out what Daisy was | | | | it seems my dogs are fated to be together? |
| doing. Herding. Border collies do that. But | | | | They are. |
| what I didn't understand was, this wasn't | | | | |
| simple herding. This was another important | | | | When the cows escaped, the Daisy BB rifle was |
| lesson. | | | | to help scare them back. Not shoot them, of |
| | | | course. It wasn't even possible with that |
| A week later, I adopted my third cat, a stray | | | | crooked barrel. Just scare them. |
| who wandered up one day and refused to leave. | | | | |
| His name was Pumpkin. The first time they saw | | | | How, I wondered, did I let myself get talked |
| Pumpkin, Daisy and Bebe herded him. It became | | | | into these things? The odds of the cows |
| their standard greeting. | | | | escaping during that week... Ever hear of |
| | | | Murphy's Law? |
| Daisy is the smartest dog I've ever met. Bebe | | | | |
| is the dumbest. I thank God or Providence or | | | | The moment those cows escaped, Daisy was on |
| whatever that Daisy was there to train her, | | | | the job. Desperately wanting -- no, needing |
| because I believe I would've failed. | | | | -- to herd them. Begging me, Daddy, for |
| | | | guidance. She saw my eyes and needed no more |
| I have a theory about Bebe's lack of | | | | prompting. |
| intelligence. I've heard that a Doberman's | | | | |
| head is barely large enough to contain its | | | | Daisy ran along one side of the cows, herding |
| brain, and that you can thump one and make it | | | | them beautifully toward the fallen wire fence |
| dizzy. I will never test this, nor should | | | | like she was born to it. Well, she was. Bebe |
| you. But if true... Bebe's head is smaller | | | | tried like heck to run along the other side, |
| than a full Doberman's. Maybe too small. Only | | | | but I'm afraid not even super-wiener can keep |
| a theory... I just know Bebe is stupid. | | | | up with young runaway cows. |
| | | | |
| Bebe had real problems getting on the bed, | | | | They tried again. Nope. Again. Nope. |
| the couch, or whatever. She looked like a | | | | Meanwhile I was running with the rifle, |
| dachshund on steroids, with that massive | | | | hoping to help my hard-working doggies. |
| muscular body and those little short legs. | | | | |
| But she learned that if she leaped with all | | | | Finally we worked out a system. Daisy on one |
| four at the same time, like those old Pepe | | | | side, me on the other, Bebe in the middle so |
| LePew cartoons, she could manage. | | | | the cows wouldn't cut back. Daisy was |
| | | | beautiful. Bebe wasn't, but she was equally |
| Daisy's greatest thrill was to hop in the | | | | effective. I was the weak link. Finally, we |
| pickup truck, up front of course, go to | | | | drove the cows over the fallen fence. Lisa |
| Daddy's barn, and run with Peaches. (Peaches | | | | held up the wire, creating the illusion of |
| had moved following a fight between my | | | | capture, until I could quickly repair the |
| neighbor and me.) But the dogs were | | | | fence. |
| inseparable now. So how would Bebe handle | | | | |
| running with a horse? I knew I'd soon find | | | | Now comes the mob. Two very proud dogs, |
| out. | | | | happily jumping all over me with wet tongues |
| | | | and muddy paws. I'm pretty sure they wanted |
| How fast does a standard dachshund run? Not | | | | me to turn the cows loose so they could do it |
| too fast. How fast does a dachshund with a | | | | again. |
| body twice as large as it should be run? This | | | | |
| one ran much faster than a human. She | | | | Daisy isn't a face-licker, though she made an |
| developed a slanted gait, as if her back half | | | | exception this time. Bebe, it seems, lives to |
| ran faster than her front. I've never seen | | | | slide that long thick tongue all over my face |
| anything like it, anything so | | | | and inside my mouth. Yuk! |
| awkward-looking. But given her heritage, she | | | | |
| had to invent her own way of doing | | | | But Bebe did find her niche as a herding |
| everything. And for whatever reason, it | | | | dachshund. The neighbors had a turkey, as I |
| always worked out. | | | | mentioned. They used to have two, but one was |
| | | | eaten by something from the woods one night. |
| Bebe ran with Daisy and Peaches. Never as | | | | So the deal was, the remaining turkey ran |
| fast as Daisy, but fast enough. Another study | | | | loose by day and was caged at night. |
| in contrasts. Daisy runs like a border | | | | |
| collie, graceful and elegant, with ease and | | | | Did you ever try to catch a running turkey? |
| beauty. Bebe runs like what she is, a freak | | | | Trust me, it ain't easy. But guess what? A |
| of nature. A genetic mutation, perhaps a | | | | turkey isn't much taller than Bebe. For some |
| reject from a low-budget horror movie. But, | | | | reason Daisy couldn't herd an elusive turkey, |
| it works for her. | | | | but it was no match for Bebe. Every day, Bebe |
| | | | ran the turkey into the barn and cornered it |
| Daisy really hates to get wet. Her long, | | | | so I could catch it. |
| luscious coat must always remain dry. Little | | | | |
| shorthaired Bebe can't pass a river, a creek, | | | | One night of this was left when Bebe decided |
| or even a shallow muddy ditch without leaping | | | | she wasn't content to simply corner the |
| in, wallowing like an uncoordinated pig, and | | | | turkey. She grabbed its head in her mouth. |
| charging at Daisy and slamming into her | | | | |
| chest. | | | | "Bebe!" I yelled. |
| | | | |
| During any hurricane, I had real problems | | | | She immediately released the turkey and came |
| getting Daisy to pee because she hates | | | | to me for reassurance. Well, I had to cage |
| getting wet. I tried my damndest to explain | | | | the turkey first, but then I gave her all the |
| to her that she could pee on the porch -- I | | | | attention she craved. |
| even demonstrated -- but she refused to do | | | | |
| it. I guess the only porch she could pee on | | | | The following day, I fed the animals alone. I |
| was Daddy's. Perhaps I should have invited | | | | was afraid Bebe would eat the turkey. |
| him over to come yell at Daisy for me. | | | | |
| | | | Whenever I went to bed, Daisy waited on my |
| Bebe, meanwhile, would run out in the yard | | | | pillow with her tail wagging. After a big |
| amidst howling winds and pouring rains and | | | | cuddle, she moved to the pillow beside mine. |
| squat with a big stupid doggie grin on her | | | | Then, being so dainty and ladylike, she would |
| face. A bit like Gene Kelly. "Peeing in the | | | | put a paw on my chest. Just one little paw. |
| rain... I'm peeing in the rain..." | | | | The white one. I guess she had to know if I |
| | | | woke up because I was Alpha Male, a.k.a. |
| For months, Bebe did not bark. According to | | | | Daddy. |
| comedian Richard Pryor, this is a Doberman | | | | |
| trait. A Doberman doesn't want to scare the | | | | Bebe, meanwhile, would lie on her back, on my |
| burglar away. A Doberman wants him to come | | | | other side, and squirm and wiggle and get |
| into the house so the dog can get him. | | | | right under my arm. Usually Taz, the male |
| | | | Siamese, would claim my chest, making the |
| But anyway, Bebe didn't bark. Daisy did all | | | | burial complete. Often, Bebe would be asleep |
| the barking. At some point, however, Daisy | | | | on her back, legs spread wide, and Taz would |
| taught Bebe to bark. In fact, Bebe became the | | | | walk up behind her. He'd stop and take a |
| delegated barker. Daisy only let out a single | | | | sniff. Bebe would wake up, and her tail would |
| bark when Bebe needed to stop for breath. The | | | | wag. |
| typical barking-at-the-burglar sounded like | | | | |
| this: | | | | Not only did Taz have a big black dog for a |
| | | | mother and a medium black dog for a sister, |
| "Ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff WOOF | | | | but now he'd found a little black dog for his |
| ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff | | | | girlfriend. Both were fixed, so it never got |
| WOOF..." | | | | past the sniffing stage. |
| | | | |
| Teamwork again. Daisy saw something in the | | | | I have a theory about Bebe's conception. If |
| yard, and she barked. Then Bebe chimed in, | | | | her Doberman mother also slept on her back, |
| looking in the general direction Daisy was | | | | perhaps her dachshund father could... well, |
| facing. Finally, the bad thing got scared and | | | | it's a theory, anyway. Do you have a better |
| left. However, Bebe couldn't see that it was | | | | one? |
| gone, so she kept on barking. Once in a while | | | | |
| Daisy would check to make sure no new bad | | | | When I finally moved to China, I gave both |
| thing had arrived. | | | | dogs to Daddy. He loved Bebe too, even though |
| | | | she was the only dog he couldn't scare into |
| Fully grown, Bebe weighed 35 pounds. I wish | | | | peeing on the porch. |