| Daisy and Bebe | | | | than you'd realize. |
| (The Pinnacle of Canine Evolution meets the | | | | Dachshunds were originally bred to find badgers, |
| dregs) | | | | hence the nose. Then to pull them out of the |
| Copyright 2005, Michael LaRocca | | | | badger holes, hence the short legs. They also had |
| We bought Peaches, a horse who I'd eventually | | | | to be rather large and muscular, in order to kill the |
| breed, and who would learn how to drink a bottle | | | | badgers once they'd pulled them out. But once |
| of beer without spilling a drop. At first, Peaches | | | | badger hunting lost its relevance, dachshunds |
| shared a pasture with my neighbor's horse. One | | | | were bred to be lapdogs. This meant making |
| day, this neighbor told me a story about some | | | | them smaller. But seeing as how Bebe is half |
| friends who owned a female Doberman. | | | | Doberman, and therefore 35 pounds of solid |
| "Ya think she's pregnant?" asked one owner. | | | | muscle, she could take on a badger with no |
| "Naw, she ain't that big," said the other. "She's just | | | | problems. Thus, she's a throwback. |
| gettin' a little fat is all." | | | | You know how dachshunds think they're |
| Imagine their surprise when she gave birth to six | | | | invincible? Bebe has the size to back up her |
| of the tiniest puppies to ever come out of a | | | | attitude. Daisy was always the boss, of course, |
| Doberman. Upon seeing the puppies, No mistaking | | | | but nothing or no one else can scare Bebe. She |
| the father's identity. He was a dachshund. | | | | also has the Doberman's intense "loyalty to one |
| That's right, a dachshund bred a full-sized | | | | person." That person was me. |
| Doberman. | | | | When I had Bebe, I didn't need an alarm clock. I |
| How was this even possible? I have no idea, but | | | | know this because I forgot to set it a time or |
| once I heard about it, I had to have a puppy. I | | | | two. Given the choice, Daisy would sleep until |
| had to see what in the heck it would look like. | | | | noon, then run and herd like a maniac until after |
| Also, I thought Daisy should have a buddy. | | | | dark. But Bebe's bladder demanded otherwise. She |
| I was visiting my neighbor again, and he brought | | | | had a way of rooting at my face, like she was |
| me a tiny black puppy with a pink ribbon around | | | | digging up a badger hole, that made sleep |
| her neck. Her eyes seemed to bug out of her | | | | impossible. I've slept through fires, sirens and |
| head, like a rat that's been killed in a trap. Her | | | | gunshots, but nobody sleeps through Bebe. |
| expression was one of pure terror. Her snout | | | | Daisy has a very sensitive stomach and a |
| was a bit longer and narrower than usual, and her | | | | discriminating palate. Bebe, on the other hand, has |
| long floppy ears didn't reach the ground, but she | | | | licked a two-day-old vanilla milkshake off an |
| was a dachshund. There was no doubt about it. | | | | asphalt parking lot. I'd expect an iron stomach, |
| I held her and hugged her. Her too-short legs | | | | though, since she eats rat bait and chews through |
| wrapped my neck in a death grip that lasted for | | | | metal fences. |
| half an hour. Her little black tail never stopped | | | | Have you ever seen a trained police dog run over |
| wagging. Once again... my dog. I have a way with | | | | a chain link fence? Bebe did that to the |
| dogs. | | | | chicken-wire fence surrounding my garden. She |
| But finally, the confrontation. Bebe weighed | | | | was much more destructive than Dixie the |
| maybe five pounds. Daisy weighed 40. Daisy was | | | | radish-plucker, so eventually I moved the garden |
| of course insanely jealous. Her daddy walked in | | | | to the old dog lot. It had a better fence. |
| the house holding the unthinkable -- another dog. | | | | Let me quote a fellow named Jon Winokur. In a |
| Another puppy. Another black girl. Hugging her. | | | | book called MONDO CANINE, he wrote: "The |
| Maybe Daisy's replacement. | | | | border collie's natural herding instinct allows it to |
| Oh, the fights I had to break up. Pure hatred. And | | | | handle up to several hundred sheep alone, |
| this tiny puppy, little Bebe, was so terrified and | | | | primarily by means of a mesmerizing stare known |
| love-starved that she seemed to be taking all my | | | | as the 'eye.'" |
| affection. | | | | At any and every meal, Daisy showed me the |
| The day arrived when I had to leave Daisy and | | | | eye. Very soulful eyes. Bebe's idea of begging |
| Bebe together inside the big fenced-in dog lot. I | | | | was a straight-ahead glare. Daisy, on the other |
| was concerned. But, I thought, they were | | | | hand, gave me the full show. Depressed that no |
| acclimatized enough for Daisy not to injure Bebe. I | | | | scraps were forthcoming, ecstatic (usually falsely) |
| could only try it and hope for the best. | | | | because they were coming -- the works. So |
| When I arrived home from work, there were | | | | much work. I was always impressed at the |
| two dogs waiting for me on the porch. Best | | | | enthusiastic way with which she approached her |
| friends, it seemed. Daisy looked guilty. Bebe | | | | work. And yes, the "eye." When I first read about |
| lacked the intelligence. | | | | border collies, that's really how I knew Daisy was |
| An exploration of the fence showed me | | | | one of them. She's always had that trademark |
| something incredible. Someone, and surely that | | | | stare. |
| had to be Bebe, had chewed a hole through the | | | | Daisy had long since ceased to be jealous of |
| metal. A hole big enough for both dogs to escape. | | | | Bebe. She simply knew that little mongrel needed |
| Those two little mongrels had worked out a deal. | | | | the attention. Daisy also knew that she could walk |
| I was stunned. | | | | up to me anytime, pant and smile her |
| The next day, I decided to let them both stay | | | | gap-toothed grin, and I'd rub her until she was sick |
| inside the house. How do you stop a dog who can | | | | of it. |
| chew through metal? I could only hope Bebe | | | | I lived in and around Wilmington, North Carolina, |
| wouldn't turn those jaws against the furniture. | | | | for 13 years. During that time, there were no |
| Daisy had matured quite a bit. She was grateful | | | | hurricanes except for one long ago, at the very |
| for the second chance at living indoors, with | | | | edge of my young memory, not worth |
| ant-free food and couches and air conditioning. | | | | mentioning. Then I spent 13 years in Tampa, |
| She relayed the message to Bebe, who was | | | | Florida, during which time Wilmington remained |
| positively adorable but dumb as a brick. Many | | | | hurricane-free but Tampa took a beating. Then I |
| other lessons would follow. | | | | moved to Watha, North Carolina. After a few |
| Bebe spent a day at the hog farm. We hoped | | | | more hurricane-free years, we got slammed by |
| that maybe a coworker would think of a name | | | | five of them in four years. Am I a magnet for |
| for her. The result, Bebe, was supposed to be a | | | | these things? I hope not. But the Wilmingtonians |
| bit like B.B., an abbreviation for Black Beauty. Or | | | | will no doubt be glad to hear that I live in mainland |
| perhaps Black Bitch, but that's not fair to the little | | | | China now. We haven't had any hurricanes yet, |
| tyke. Also, as luck would have it, bebe is Spanish | | | | although I have experienced monsoons in Hong |
| for "child." | | | | Kong. |
| I don't know how much you know about hog | | | | Daddy owns over 100 gorgeous acres on the |
| farms, but I've never seen one that didn't have a | | | | banks of the Northeast Cape Fear River, in |
| rat epidemic. Every two weeks, we set out big | | | | Burgaw, North Carolina. The Northeast Cape Fear |
| blue blocks of rat bait and hoped like heck. To | | | | rises after a hurricane. Sometimes it jumps the |
| make a long story short, if it's not already too | | | | banks a bit. Daddy's houses are all 12 feet off the |
| late, Bebe ate a block. It didn't bother her a bit. | | | | ground, though, making them safe. |
| Daisy explained to Bebe that highways were | | | | About a week after any hurricane, however, the |
| dangerous. Cars and trucks are great fun to ride | | | | Neuse River is in danger of jumping the banks. So |
| in, but one does not race them. Ever. Good girl, | | | | someone opens the floodgates, leading right into |
| Daisy. | | | | the Northeast Cape Fear, giving Daddy and all his |
| During one of Bebe's first rides, she decided to | | | | neighbors a world of problems. The houses are |
| leap through an open window when I reached the | | | | safe, but the roads leading to them wind up under |
| driveway. Her momentum carried her into the | | | | water. Power is always lost, and it can't be |
| bushes and stunned her momentarily. She learned | | | | restored as long as the power lines are also under |
| right then that it's never a good idea to jump | | | | water. |
| from a moving vehicle. | | | | Bebe almost drowned after one of those |
| How well did they obey me? Well, I always | | | | hurricanes. I was probably repairing a horse barn. |
| stopped the car or truck at the top of the | | | | They were functional, but never hurricane-proof |
| driveway to get the mail. Then I went back to | | | | because I'm not that good of a builder. Lisa was |
| the car or truck and drove to the house. They | | | | riding Peaches down to the river because Peaches |
| knew not to get out until I reached the house. | | | | loves to swim. As we all know by now, so does |
| They only broke that rule once, when Daisy saw | | | | Bebe. A bit of research on my part showed that |
| some deer in the back yard. Bebe followed, even | | | | this isn't a dachshund characteristic. This is a |
| though she probably couldn't see them. Bebe's | | | | Doberman thing. |
| eyes are worse than mine. Daisy sees like a | | | | Daisy and Bebe were following Peaches, as usual. |
| border collie, but she knows that Bebe has better | | | | A hard choice, probably, because they also loved |
| smell and hearing. They're one hell of a team. | | | | watching me do construction stuff. As the water |
| Once Daisy and Bebe became friends, they | | | | got deeper, Daisy stopped. She hates to get wet. |
| became inseparable. I was constantly asked if | | | | Bebe, meanwhile, kept going. |
| they were mother and daughter, or later if they | | | | Eventually, Lisa noticed that Bebe wasn't with her |
| were sisters. In many ways, they were closer | | | | anymore. She doubled back, to find that Bebe had |
| than sisters. Daisy was definitely big sister, gladly | | | | gotten tangled in some weeds. Bebe couldn't get |
| taking the responsibility. The three of us became | | | | out, probably due to lack of intelligence. So she |
| a dog pack. I'd never known such acceptance. | | | | was dog paddling. Probably she'd been at it 10 or |
| The play-fights between those two looked scary. | | | | 15 minutes. Waiting patiently for rescue, too stupid |
| Fangs bared, growling and snarling and such. Bebe | | | | to figure out what else to do. |
| puffed up her little body, her short fur trying to | | | | Lisa was faced with a dilemma. She cannot get on |
| ridge along her back into hackles, her bared fangs | | | | a horse by herself. Bad shoulders, bad hips, etc. If |
| at Daisy's throat. Chests crashing with great | | | | she got off the horse to rescue Bebe, she'd be |
| volume and much snapping of jaws. But, both tails | | | | walking back to the barn. |
| were wagging the whole time. Great fun. | | | | Okay, it wasn't really a dilemma. She rescued the |
| Bebe quickly taught Daisy that if you're gonna | | | | doggie, of course. When they returned to the |
| fight, go for the throat. Instinct, or perhaps an | | | | barn, Bebe tried her best to tell me all about it, |
| advantage of being short. Soon after, Daisy | | | | but licks and hugs don't exactly translate into |
| returned the favor by educating Bebe. | | | | human speech. |
| One day I was cutting my grass with a riding | | | | Next door to Daddy's barn, where I kept my |
| mower. Of course my darling doggie daughters | | | | horses, some neighbors kept plenty of animals. |
| were in the yard, playing and having fun and being | | | | Three horses, a turkey, a pit bull, an Australian |
| best buddies. The highway wasn't a concern. Also, | | | | sheepdog, some dachshunds, some cats, some |
| a single whistle from me and the dogs always | | | | goats, and two young cows. When the neighbors |
| stopped what they were doing and came running. | | | | left for a summer vacation, I agreed to feed |
| Full steam ahead and usually trying to knock me | | | | them all. |
| down, in fact. They love to run. | | | | I love the way pure dachshunds stare at Bebe |
| So Bebe ran through the yard. Daisy ran beside | | | | and seem to ask "What in the heck is that thing?" |
| her, ahead of her, and forced her into the woods. | | | | For her part, she stares down at them and |
| Bebe started again, in the other direction, and | | | | almost seems to laugh. They know they're |
| again Daisy drove her into the woods. Again. | | | | related, but she's so big. |
| Again. Again. | | | | The cows are of interest here. They were kept |
| Maybe I'm stupid, or maybe I was just drunk. But | | | | inside a flimsy wire fence on an undersized dirt lot. |
| eventually, I figured out what Daisy was doing. | | | | The question was obviously not if they would |
| Herding. Border collies do that. But what I didn't | | | | escape, but when. They had escaped before and |
| understand was, this wasn't simple herding. This | | | | would again. It was because they had no grass to |
| was another important lesson. | | | | graze on, but try explaining that to some people. |
| A week later, I adopted my third cat, a stray | | | | There was a Daisy BB rifle in the neighbor's barn. |
| who wandered up one day and refused to leave. | | | | Daisy BB -- don't you just love the way it seems |
| His name was Pumpkin. The first time they saw | | | | my dogs are fated to be together? They are. |
| Pumpkin, Daisy and Bebe herded him. It became | | | | When the cows escaped, the Daisy BB rifle was |
| their standard greeting. | | | | to help scare them back. Not shoot them, of |
| Daisy is the smartest dog I've ever met. Bebe is | | | | course. It wasn't even possible with that crooked |
| the dumbest. I thank God or Providence or | | | | barrel. Just scare them. |
| whatever that Daisy was there to train her, | | | | How, I wondered, did I let myself get talked into |
| because I believe I would've failed. | | | | these things? The odds of the cows escaping |
| I have a theory about Bebe's lack of intelligence. | | | | during that week... Ever hear of Murphy's Law? |
| I've heard that a Doberman's head is barely large | | | | The moment those cows escaped, Daisy was on |
| enough to contain its brain, and that you can | | | | the job. Desperately wanting -- no, needing -- to |
| thump one and make it dizzy. I will never test | | | | herd them. Begging me, Daddy, for guidance. She |
| this, nor should you. But if true... Bebe's head is | | | | saw my eyes and needed no more prompting. |
| smaller than a full Doberman's. Maybe too small. | | | | Daisy ran along one side of the cows, herding |
| Only a theory... I just know Bebe is stupid. | | | | them beautifully toward the fallen wire fence like |
| Bebe had real problems getting on the bed, the | | | | she was born to it. Well, she was. Bebe tried like |
| couch, or whatever. She looked like a dachshund | | | | heck to run along the other side, but I'm afraid |
| on steroids, with that massive muscular body and | | | | not even super-wiener can keep up with young |
| those little short legs. But she learned that if she | | | | runaway cows. |
| leaped with all four at the same time, like those | | | | They tried again. Nope. Again. Nope. Meanwhile I |
| old Pepe LePew cartoons, she could manage. | | | | was running with the rifle, hoping to help my |
| Daisy's greatest thrill was to hop in the pickup | | | | hard-working doggies. |
| truck, up front of course, go to Daddy's barn, and | | | | Finally we worked out a system. Daisy on one |
| run with Peaches. (Peaches had moved following a | | | | side, me on the other, Bebe in the middle so the |
| fight between my neighbor and me.) But the dogs | | | | cows wouldn't cut back. Daisy was beautiful. Bebe |
| were inseparable now. So how would Bebe handle | | | | wasn't, but she was equally effective. I was the |
| running with a horse? I knew I'd soon find out. | | | | weak link. Finally, we drove the cows over the |
| How fast does a standard dachshund run? Not | | | | fallen fence. Lisa held up the wire, creating the |
| too fast. How fast does a dachshund with a body | | | | illusion of capture, until I could quickly repair the |
| twice as large as it should be run? This one ran | | | | fence. |
| much faster than a human. She developed a | | | | Now comes the mob. Two very proud dogs, |
| slanted gait, as if her back half ran faster than | | | | happily jumping all over me with wet tongues and |
| her front. I've never seen anything like it, anything | | | | muddy paws. I'm pretty sure they wanted me to |
| so awkward-looking. But given her heritage, she | | | | turn the cows loose so they could do it again. |
| had to invent her own way of doing everything. | | | | Daisy isn't a face-licker, though she made an |
| And for whatever reason, it always worked out. | | | | exception this time. Bebe, it seems, lives to slide |
| Bebe ran with Daisy and Peaches. Never as fast | | | | that long thick tongue all over my face and inside |
| as Daisy, but fast enough. Another study in | | | | my mouth. Yuk! |
| contrasts. Daisy runs like a border collie, graceful | | | | But Bebe did find her niche as a herding |
| and elegant, with ease and beauty. Bebe runs like | | | | dachshund. The neighbors had a turkey, as I |
| what she is, a freak of nature. A genetic | | | | mentioned. They used to have two, but one was |
| mutation, perhaps a reject from a low-budget | | | | eaten by something from the woods one night. |
| horror movie. But, it works for her. | | | | So the deal was, the remaining turkey ran loose |
| Daisy really hates to get wet. Her long, luscious | | | | by day and was caged at night. |
| coat must always remain dry. Little shorthaired | | | | Did you ever try to catch a running turkey? Trust |
| Bebe can't pass a river, a creek, or even a | | | | me, it ain't easy. But guess what? A turkey isn't |
| shallow muddy ditch without leaping in, wallowing | | | | much taller than Bebe. For some reason Daisy |
| like an uncoordinated pig, and charging at Daisy | | | | couldn't herd an elusive turkey, but it was no |
| and slamming into her chest. | | | | match for Bebe. Every day, Bebe ran the turkey |
| During any hurricane, I had real problems getting | | | | into the barn and cornered it so I could catch it. |
| Daisy to pee because she hates getting wet. I | | | | One night of this was left when Bebe decided she |
| tried my damndest to explain to her that she | | | | wasn't content to simply corner the turkey. She |
| could pee on the porch -- I even demonstrated -- | | | | grabbed its head in her mouth. |
| but she refused to do it. I guess the only porch | | | | "Bebe!" I yelled. |
| she could pee on was Daddy's. Perhaps I should | | | | She immediately released the turkey and came to |
| have invited him over to come yell at Daisy for | | | | me for reassurance. Well, I had to cage the |
| me. | | | | turkey first, but then I gave her all the attention |
| Bebe, meanwhile, would run out in the yard | | | | she craved. |
| amidst howling winds and pouring rains and squat | | | | The following day, I fed the animals alone. I was |
| with a big stupid doggie grin on her face. A bit like | | | | afraid Bebe would eat the turkey. |
| Gene Kelly. "Peeing in the rain... I'm peeing in the | | | | Whenever I went to bed, Daisy waited on my |
| rain..." | | | | pillow with her tail wagging. After a big cuddle, she |
| For months, Bebe did not bark. According to | | | | moved to the pillow beside mine. Then, being so |
| comedian Richard Pryor, this is a Doberman trait. | | | | dainty and ladylike, she would put a paw on my |
| A Doberman doesn't want to scare the burglar | | | | chest. Just one little paw. The white one. I guess |
| away. A Doberman wants him to come into the | | | | she had to know if I woke up because I was |
| house so the dog can get him. | | | | Alpha Male, a.k.a. Daddy. |
| But anyway, Bebe didn't bark. Daisy did all the | | | | Bebe, meanwhile, would lie on her back, on my |
| barking. At some point, however, Daisy taught | | | | other side, and squirm and wiggle and get right |
| Bebe to bark. In fact, Bebe became the | | | | under my arm. Usually Taz, the male Siamese, |
| delegated barker. Daisy only let out a single bark | | | | would claim my chest, making the burial complete. |
| when Bebe needed to stop for breath. The typical | | | | Often, Bebe would be asleep on her back, legs |
| barking-at-the-burglar sounded like this: | | | | spread wide, and Taz would walk up behind her. |
| "Ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff WOOF | | | | He'd stop and take a sniff. Bebe would wake up, |
| ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff WOOF..." | | | | and her tail would wag. |
| Teamwork again. Daisy saw something in the | | | | Not only did Taz have a big black dog for a |
| yard, and she barked. Then Bebe chimed in, | | | | mother and a medium black dog for a sister, but |
| looking in the general direction Daisy was facing. | | | | now he'd found a little black dog for his girlfriend. |
| Finally, the bad thing got scared and left. However, | | | | Both were fixed, so it never got past the sniffing |
| Bebe couldn't see that it was gone, so she kept | | | | stage. |
| on barking. Once in a while Daisy would check to | | | | I have a theory about Bebe's conception. If her |
| make sure no new bad thing had arrived. | | | | Doberman mother also slept on her back, perhaps |
| Fully grown, Bebe weighed 35 pounds. I wish she | | | | her dachshund father could... well, it's a theory, |
| could've lost about ten of them, but there wasn't | | | | anyway. Do you have a better one? |
| an ounce of fat on her body. Solid muscle, a bit | | | | When I finally moved to China, I gave both dogs |
| longer than a dachshund should be, with short legs | | | | to Daddy. He loved Bebe too, even though she |
| that rarely straightened. They only straightened | | | | was the only dog he couldn't scare into peeing on |
| when she and Daisy play-fought, making her taller | | | | the porch. |